Post by James Sirius Potter on Jun 17, 2009 7:44:04 GMT -6
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JAMESSIRIUSPOTTER
[/color][/color][/font]JAMESSIRIUSPOTTER
"I'm seventeen and I'm crazy. My uncle says the two always go together. When people ask your age, he said, always say seventeen and insane."[/font]
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OKAY, SO GIVE US THE BASICS ![/font][/b]
[/ul][/font][/size]
SORRY, NOT QUITE. SO WHAT ARE AND AREN'T YOU INTO ?[/font][/b]
HOW ER... INTERESTING. EVER LOOKED INTO THE MIRROR OF ERISED ?[/font][/b]
WHAT MAKES YOU SHAKE IN YOUR BOOTS ?[/font][/b]
EVEN YOU HAVE TO HAVE SOME GOOD QUALITIES, RIGHT ?[/font][/b]
AND IT'S QUITE OBVIOUS YOU HAVE YOUR BAD, HUH ?[/font][/b]
LET'S GET DIRTY. WHAT TURNS YOU ON ?[/font][/b]
DO YOU LOVE YOUR FAMILY ?[/font][/b]
WHERE YA FROM, BY THE WAY ?[/font][/b]
THE DEMENTORS ARE HERE. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF ?[/font][/b]
BETTER GETUP A PATRONUS. WHAT ARE YOU REMEMBERING ?[/font][/b]
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HI, I AM LAYNE AND I AM 14 YEARS OLD.
I HAVE BEEN DOING THIS FOR THREE YEARS AND I AIN'T
QUITTING ANYTIME SOON. WELL, I GUESS I NEED TO SHOW YOU I'M THE BEST,
SO HERE IT GOES.
[/font]HI, I AM LAYNE AND I AM 14 YEARS OLD.
I HAVE BEEN DOING THIS FOR THREE YEARS AND I AIN'T
QUITTING ANYTIME SOON. WELL, I GUESS I NEED TO SHOW YOU I'M THE BEST,
SO HERE IT GOES.
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Lily wasn't used to the silence. The hushed whistles of the winds was all she heard for a minute. She throat wasn't ready for any real exortion, not after her flipped conversations with Sev. Maybe this silence was for the best. At least it was a way to collect her thoughts and develop agruments. The arguments- Lily had to admit she was getting tired of them pretty fast. All she had come here for was some relaxation, possibly to meet new people. But in this twisted world she lived in, of course it had to end up with fighting. She didn't want it to be this way. But it had to, at least if she wanted to get her point across. This is all his fault! she thought to herself. But a tugging feeling in her mind told her other wise. It's just as much your fault. Lily was trying to keep her foot down though. It wasn't going to be a battle fought in vain. She wasn't going to wake up in the morning and have a faint voice, and maybe a sore throat. Her pointer finger reached into her pocket and she twirled her wand around in the silence. She tried to believe that she could trust Severus, but it was wavering. Something she had wanted all along since that incident in Fifth Year. She wanted to be able to trust him, more than having their friendship back. She had fantasized about how she would begin to trust him, and they would be best friends again. But her hopes had been torn down, unreparable.
"LILY!"
She had been floating above herself and the present situation as Sev shouted her name. Everything became clear again. "I shouldn't have said that." Suddenly she felt terrible. That was the insult that Potter used on Sev. She had sunk that low to treat one of her closest exfriends that way? What had she been thinking? Severus's voice was cold and harsh, but for some reason, even though Lily could tell he was infuriated, there was hurt in it as well. The sky was getting darker now. The moonbeams touched every spot of the grounds, even things that were ugly and shouldn't have been touched. Her way of thinking was going to get her someday. His eyes were glinting again; it was beginning to freak her out. She had never seen him this upset. Lily's body began to shake, either from the cold or the sudden relization, she had no idea. The motions slowly began to quiet down. Her balance was a little off, but she stood, avoiding the constant tremors. This couldn't be happening. Not now, not here. Just to reassure herself, she whispered, "I am fine." She felt much better after that and calmed down tremendously.
"On Dumbledore's side? Do you really think that there will be any benefit to that?"
Lily sighed. She was about to blurt out, Of course, you fool! But she restrained, because of all of the yelling. "Yes, Sev. I really do." She said in an exasperated tone. She felt like a broken record. Did she have to repeat what side she was on every time she met Severus? It was ridiculous, but she wasn't going to say anymore. Not today, and not in front of Sev. She looked across the lawns. They were only starting to brown, but they still held that aura that you always wanted to be around. Like every thing was going to be OK. Even if, Lily reasoned, not everything will be left untouched. "Do you think that their will be any benifit to the-" she bit her tounge. What ever she wanted to do in life, getting killed wasn't at the very top of her list. If she insulted Voldemort, she would almost surely get killed, especially now that she had denied her alliegance. For a second, her eyes flickered on and off with fear. She didn't say anything that should offend anyone, but an unfinished sentanse could lead to thoughts that Lily didn't want to really dive into.
"It was decided from the very beginning."
She groaned. Of course Sev wouldn't be changed in his opinion. "You must have chosen it before you were born, then. I don't have a problem with that." She said her words gently with more bite to them. No more fighting wouldn't suddenly solve all of her problems, but they could possibly help her think of new things to say. She looked straight forward into his eyes. She couldn't take it anymore. Just once. She begged her concience. Let me help him. But nothing good ever happened from following what she believed. Nothing could ever happen that turned for the worse. Whether it be in the future or in the present, she would always be haunted by her actions. Would Petunia and her be friends still if Lily and Sev hadn't looked at the letter? The questions and unknown answers seemed endless. So instead of following what she wanted to do so bad in her heart, she looked at him with eyes filled tears. The tears weren't spilling out of her eyes yet, but piling dangerously close. And when she thought she had everything under control, too. What a great way to ruin her thought process. "Sev. I am so sorry." She whispered to herself. He looked so defeated, but not helpless. To her, he looked confused. It wasn't her place to just run up and wrap her arms around him. To make all the hurt go away. But she wanted to slip out of her skin and change to anybody that was friends with him, so that she could let her emotions lead her to hug him.
"You--"
She stood motionless. The tremors had completely stopped and she thought about what she could have possibly said to make Sev not finish a sentance. "You were my best friend." She whispered. "How could I not have loved you?" Her voice was beginning to get scratchy from all of the yelling she had just committed. She had loved Sev, but no more than a friend. She couldn't help but recognise a hopeful tone in his voice. Was he in love with her like all of the rumors had it? She pushed that to the back of her mind and began humming the ABC's again. She was silent for a moment. Her tears were at a dangerous dropping point. I will not cry. She thought desperatly. But the fact of the matter was, she wasn't capable of crying at the moment. She had spent all of her tears at the beginning.
"You call that love? You --"
Lily was hurt by another unfinished sentance. She wanted to travel beneath those black eyes and know what he was thinking. At least what he was going to say. "I call that love. Love can mean anything, but I think that leaving no one behind and caring for a person defines that well." Her red hair was suddenly still, the wind had lifted the slightest bit. Her eyes were glinting again, but not with the looks to kill, they were soft. All she wanted to do was leave here. Anything to save her from another harsh word from Sev. She expected the worst as he began to speak again, wincing to protect her from any yells directed at her.
"You might have saved me, but you could have spared me from the pain that followed."
She put her face into her hands. How could she have caused so much pain to him. She couldn't have! NO! She seemed to be drowning with no way out. Her thoughts led her away from the cold and the wind that had picked up once again. But nothing could lead her from her thoughts. Lily felt evil. Worse than Voldemort himself. She had denied what Sev apparantly needed the most, her friendship or at least her forgiveness. She slowly lifted her head up and said, "Sev, I never meant to hurt you." She said, her desperate word rising above the wind. "I was angry! You can't blame me, you get angry all of the time!" Lily tried to keep herself calm. Severus eyes flashed again as his smooth words slowly wore her down to nothing than an defeated teenager. That was all she was. A teenager, a nobody, a murderer. She tried her luck and opened her mouth, but no words came out. She couldn't reply anymore to the words.
"You might have saved me, but you could have spared me from the pain that followed."
Lily said nothing. Once again she wanted to scream. Just get away from here. She folded her arms on her chest and said, "Pain, why did I cause you-" But she stopped already knowing the answer. She had caused him more pain than deserved. "How many times do I have to say I am sorry to get it through your head?!" she asked carefully. No tears, that was a good sign. "I would do anything to take back that day. Anything." But she knew her words wouldn't make any difference to him at all. Not if they already hadn't. In her mind, she had tried everything she could have done to apologize to him. She had scarred him too much. It was too late. They both stood in silence for what seemed like the longest time to Lily. He seemed to be taking in her words and she was just staring. Not thinking about anything.
"Don't say those things!"
Sev's sharp words alarmed Lily. Was he possibly expressing an urgency to be heard? Lily's hair began licking the air like flames. Lily could feel her heart beating through her chest. Her adrenaline was starting to get to a dangerously high level. Any action and she would shoot through the air like a popped balloon. Her wand was still heavy in her pocket. Her fingers reached inside once again, feeling the hard scratchy wool that pockets usually have. She had a feeling that she would be needing her only possession she had with her. Whether it was premonition or her energy, she had no idea. Her eyes seemed to glow in the darkness again. She could barely see anything through the mist that was beginning to encircle the grounds. Did she just hear a patch of leaves cracking across the ground? Her mind must have been wandering a lot for her to even get frightened by that small noise she heard. Lily touched her chest and felt her breathing, just to make sure it was regular. "Why shouldn't I say these things? Most of it is all true." She asked with a trying look in her eyes. Why should he tell her what she shouldn't say? She immediatly rethought her words. "Maybe not all of it..." She admitted.
"You know that's not true. It's not true.."
Lily swept her eyes across the grounds avoiding Severus's eyes. "Of course it is not true." Her voice was directed to the dirt, Lily's eyes still refueing to meet with Sev's. She was embarrassed to say the least. She had lied to him, a thing she had told herself she would never do. Her throat was suddenly closed up and she began to cry again, even though her oasis of tears was beginning to dry up. Her warm tears were not because of the yelling, which she could endure. It was because of a stupid promise? A promise she had made as an eight or nine year old. But she gave her word to herself, and it was hard for her to break that promise after her perfect track record. She was faced around totally backwards, just looking at the lake that had been moving behind her the whole time. The fog with the moonlight made it all very eerie she supposed.
"I'll -- EXPECTO PATRONUS!"
Lily had been itching to cast a spell ever since she had first encountered Severus that night. She rippec her wand out of her pocket and turned around and yelled, "Protego!" at the same time as his patronas escaped his wand. Lily was stunned, grounded to the spot. What had come out of his wand was what got her more than his sudden incantation. His patronas form was a silver doe. Lily groaned as she ran over to Severus, still teary eyed. The rumors had all been true. Severus's patronus was the the exact smae image as Lily's. how could she have been so blind? She had never relized how important she was to him. That was the only explanation. Could he have possibly loved her all of these years? Suddenly, the body next to hers seemed like a complete stranger. What had he been thinking about her all of these years. Where all of the talks they had shared about their future... Did he imagine them together? She escaped all of her physical outcries and wrapped her arms around him. She had no second thoughts, whether it be about her uncertain feelings for Potter, or for her uncertain feelings for Sev. She couldn't let this go, never. She softly shook, her crying became uncontrollable. This was the most she had ever cried in front of some one in-- Years. It was a good feeling. She lifted her head and turned, seeing the silver doe fade into the distance.
"It's not true.....I care about you."
He cared about her? Suddenly she could no longer see the Muggle Hater- Dark Lord Supporter... She saw her friend. His voice was hoarse, barely an audible whisper. But she could distinctly hear every one of his words. He had come free with the truth. Lily still had no idea what to do. "I care about you, too." She said, her voice trailing off. She had no idea if her wordds were true. But deep inside, she knew they were true. But she hated to admit it was more with their friendship and not a relationship. Her arms were still wrapped around him, she wasn't about to let go either. "I don't know anymore." She said softly. Lily had had a crush on James for a couple of days now. It would devestate both of her friends if she began liking either more than the other. How could she deny either one though? They, who she had known for the majority for her life, Sev for practically all of it. She took deep breaths, trying to focus on her breathing. This could have gotten very messy- very fast. But she wouldn't allow it. She couldn't allow it.
Her heart was beating reguarally now. She released her arms from around him and stepped back. "Sev... What happened to us?" she asked quietly. They had definatley changed from the young and immature kids that they were. Now they were fighting in a war-to-be, on opposite sides. What had ripped them apart? She would never know the answer to that. That was the only way to conclude her thoughts that were racing.
"LILY!"
She had been floating above herself and the present situation as Sev shouted her name. Everything became clear again. "I shouldn't have said that." Suddenly she felt terrible. That was the insult that Potter used on Sev. She had sunk that low to treat one of her closest exfriends that way? What had she been thinking? Severus's voice was cold and harsh, but for some reason, even though Lily could tell he was infuriated, there was hurt in it as well. The sky was getting darker now. The moonbeams touched every spot of the grounds, even things that were ugly and shouldn't have been touched. Her way of thinking was going to get her someday. His eyes were glinting again; it was beginning to freak her out. She had never seen him this upset. Lily's body began to shake, either from the cold or the sudden relization, she had no idea. The motions slowly began to quiet down. Her balance was a little off, but she stood, avoiding the constant tremors. This couldn't be happening. Not now, not here. Just to reassure herself, she whispered, "I am fine." She felt much better after that and calmed down tremendously.
"On Dumbledore's side? Do you really think that there will be any benefit to that?"
Lily sighed. She was about to blurt out, Of course, you fool! But she restrained, because of all of the yelling. "Yes, Sev. I really do." She said in an exasperated tone. She felt like a broken record. Did she have to repeat what side she was on every time she met Severus? It was ridiculous, but she wasn't going to say anymore. Not today, and not in front of Sev. She looked across the lawns. They were only starting to brown, but they still held that aura that you always wanted to be around. Like every thing was going to be OK. Even if, Lily reasoned, not everything will be left untouched. "Do you think that their will be any benifit to the-" she bit her tounge. What ever she wanted to do in life, getting killed wasn't at the very top of her list. If she insulted Voldemort, she would almost surely get killed, especially now that she had denied her alliegance. For a second, her eyes flickered on and off with fear. She didn't say anything that should offend anyone, but an unfinished sentanse could lead to thoughts that Lily didn't want to really dive into.
"It was decided from the very beginning."
She groaned. Of course Sev wouldn't be changed in his opinion. "You must have chosen it before you were born, then. I don't have a problem with that." She said her words gently with more bite to them. No more fighting wouldn't suddenly solve all of her problems, but they could possibly help her think of new things to say. She looked straight forward into his eyes. She couldn't take it anymore. Just once. She begged her concience. Let me help him. But nothing good ever happened from following what she believed. Nothing could ever happen that turned for the worse. Whether it be in the future or in the present, she would always be haunted by her actions. Would Petunia and her be friends still if Lily and Sev hadn't looked at the letter? The questions and unknown answers seemed endless. So instead of following what she wanted to do so bad in her heart, she looked at him with eyes filled tears. The tears weren't spilling out of her eyes yet, but piling dangerously close. And when she thought she had everything under control, too. What a great way to ruin her thought process. "Sev. I am so sorry." She whispered to herself. He looked so defeated, but not helpless. To her, he looked confused. It wasn't her place to just run up and wrap her arms around him. To make all the hurt go away. But she wanted to slip out of her skin and change to anybody that was friends with him, so that she could let her emotions lead her to hug him.
"You--"
She stood motionless. The tremors had completely stopped and she thought about what she could have possibly said to make Sev not finish a sentance. "You were my best friend." She whispered. "How could I not have loved you?" Her voice was beginning to get scratchy from all of the yelling she had just committed. She had loved Sev, but no more than a friend. She couldn't help but recognise a hopeful tone in his voice. Was he in love with her like all of the rumors had it? She pushed that to the back of her mind and began humming the ABC's again. She was silent for a moment. Her tears were at a dangerous dropping point. I will not cry. She thought desperatly. But the fact of the matter was, she wasn't capable of crying at the moment. She had spent all of her tears at the beginning.
"You call that love? You --"
Lily was hurt by another unfinished sentance. She wanted to travel beneath those black eyes and know what he was thinking. At least what he was going to say. "I call that love. Love can mean anything, but I think that leaving no one behind and caring for a person defines that well." Her red hair was suddenly still, the wind had lifted the slightest bit. Her eyes were glinting again, but not with the looks to kill, they were soft. All she wanted to do was leave here. Anything to save her from another harsh word from Sev. She expected the worst as he began to speak again, wincing to protect her from any yells directed at her.
"You might have saved me, but you could have spared me from the pain that followed."
She put her face into her hands. How could she have caused so much pain to him. She couldn't have! NO! She seemed to be drowning with no way out. Her thoughts led her away from the cold and the wind that had picked up once again. But nothing could lead her from her thoughts. Lily felt evil. Worse than Voldemort himself. She had denied what Sev apparantly needed the most, her friendship or at least her forgiveness. She slowly lifted her head up and said, "Sev, I never meant to hurt you." She said, her desperate word rising above the wind. "I was angry! You can't blame me, you get angry all of the time!" Lily tried to keep herself calm. Severus eyes flashed again as his smooth words slowly wore her down to nothing than an defeated teenager. That was all she was. A teenager, a nobody, a murderer. She tried her luck and opened her mouth, but no words came out. She couldn't reply anymore to the words.
"You might have saved me, but you could have spared me from the pain that followed."
Lily said nothing. Once again she wanted to scream. Just get away from here. She folded her arms on her chest and said, "Pain, why did I cause you-" But she stopped already knowing the answer. She had caused him more pain than deserved. "How many times do I have to say I am sorry to get it through your head?!" she asked carefully. No tears, that was a good sign. "I would do anything to take back that day. Anything." But she knew her words wouldn't make any difference to him at all. Not if they already hadn't. In her mind, she had tried everything she could have done to apologize to him. She had scarred him too much. It was too late. They both stood in silence for what seemed like the longest time to Lily. He seemed to be taking in her words and she was just staring. Not thinking about anything.
"Don't say those things!"
Sev's sharp words alarmed Lily. Was he possibly expressing an urgency to be heard? Lily's hair began licking the air like flames. Lily could feel her heart beating through her chest. Her adrenaline was starting to get to a dangerously high level. Any action and she would shoot through the air like a popped balloon. Her wand was still heavy in her pocket. Her fingers reached inside once again, feeling the hard scratchy wool that pockets usually have. She had a feeling that she would be needing her only possession she had with her. Whether it was premonition or her energy, she had no idea. Her eyes seemed to glow in the darkness again. She could barely see anything through the mist that was beginning to encircle the grounds. Did she just hear a patch of leaves cracking across the ground? Her mind must have been wandering a lot for her to even get frightened by that small noise she heard. Lily touched her chest and felt her breathing, just to make sure it was regular. "Why shouldn't I say these things? Most of it is all true." She asked with a trying look in her eyes. Why should he tell her what she shouldn't say? She immediatly rethought her words. "Maybe not all of it..." She admitted.
"You know that's not true. It's not true.."
Lily swept her eyes across the grounds avoiding Severus's eyes. "Of course it is not true." Her voice was directed to the dirt, Lily's eyes still refueing to meet with Sev's. She was embarrassed to say the least. She had lied to him, a thing she had told herself she would never do. Her throat was suddenly closed up and she began to cry again, even though her oasis of tears was beginning to dry up. Her warm tears were not because of the yelling, which she could endure. It was because of a stupid promise? A promise she had made as an eight or nine year old. But she gave her word to herself, and it was hard for her to break that promise after her perfect track record. She was faced around totally backwards, just looking at the lake that had been moving behind her the whole time. The fog with the moonlight made it all very eerie she supposed.
"I'll -- EXPECTO PATRONUS!"
Lily had been itching to cast a spell ever since she had first encountered Severus that night. She rippec her wand out of her pocket and turned around and yelled, "Protego!" at the same time as his patronas escaped his wand. Lily was stunned, grounded to the spot. What had come out of his wand was what got her more than his sudden incantation. His patronas form was a silver doe. Lily groaned as she ran over to Severus, still teary eyed. The rumors had all been true. Severus's patronus was the the exact smae image as Lily's. how could she have been so blind? She had never relized how important she was to him. That was the only explanation. Could he have possibly loved her all of these years? Suddenly, the body next to hers seemed like a complete stranger. What had he been thinking about her all of these years. Where all of the talks they had shared about their future... Did he imagine them together? She escaped all of her physical outcries and wrapped her arms around him. She had no second thoughts, whether it be about her uncertain feelings for Potter, or for her uncertain feelings for Sev. She couldn't let this go, never. She softly shook, her crying became uncontrollable. This was the most she had ever cried in front of some one in-- Years. It was a good feeling. She lifted her head and turned, seeing the silver doe fade into the distance.
"It's not true.....I care about you."
He cared about her? Suddenly she could no longer see the Muggle Hater- Dark Lord Supporter... She saw her friend. His voice was hoarse, barely an audible whisper. But she could distinctly hear every one of his words. He had come free with the truth. Lily still had no idea what to do. "I care about you, too." She said, her voice trailing off. She had no idea if her wordds were true. But deep inside, she knew they were true. But she hated to admit it was more with their friendship and not a relationship. Her arms were still wrapped around him, she wasn't about to let go either. "I don't know anymore." She said softly. Lily had had a crush on James for a couple of days now. It would devestate both of her friends if she began liking either more than the other. How could she deny either one though? They, who she had known for the majority for her life, Sev for practically all of it. She took deep breaths, trying to focus on her breathing. This could have gotten very messy- very fast. But she wouldn't allow it. She couldn't allow it.
Her heart was beating reguarally now. She released her arms from around him and stepped back. "Sev... What happened to us?" she asked quietly. They had definatley changed from the young and immature kids that they were. Now they were fighting in a war-to-be, on opposite sides. What had ripped them apart? She would never know the answer to that. That was the only way to conclude her thoughts that were racing.
okay, that was made a long time ago by me, and it took like three and a half days of all of my computer time to write. So if you inspire me and write long posts, you might just get a book out of me lol.
made by VERA SAY WHA ?! of caution 2.0!
I'LL FINISH LATER
